What do you call this thing on your head? Is it a wig, a wiglett, a topper, helper hair or a hair piece?? Lord knows its confusing and I can’t begin to tell you why we have a physical reaction to some words and not others. Wig or even toupee are words that bring negative reactions to many of those who are wearing hair for reasons other than fashion. Those two words just bring dread and fear. But why?
I remember when I switched from toppers to full wigs. This should have been an easy transition; I had already been wearing hair pieces for many years at this point and the wigs were actually a more realistic and easier option for me at that time. While discussing this with my bestie I mentioned that I was feeling a little self-conscious and that the full “wig” thing made me insecure. She said ‘Jackie they have always been wigs!’ My heart dropped and I considered (for 10 seconds) being hurt about that comment. But then I realized that she was just speaking the truth. No matter what I called it ... it was a wig ! *uck it !
I am in my 40s and way too tired of excusing and making stories to make others feel comfortable with my genetic incapacity to grow hair properly. I often wonder if people with other physical differences are forced to explain away on a daily. Do those people missing teeth or fingers or any other of the millions of things that make us unique and one of a kind, feel the need daily to excuse their difference or the choices they make to deal with their differences?
I had a customer just recently tell me that she was part of a dance group that met weekly for fun and exercise. During a break in the dancing one of the other ladies walked up to her reached out and parted the hair on her wig and said ‘that’s what I thought’ and then walked away! THE NERVE! I just cannot believe that a person would have the audacity to be so unkind and rude.
When I began to wear toppers more than 25 years ago, I was at an event with a bunch of people and one of the guys (someone who knew before helper hair) seated in the row behind us in the bleachers reached out and tugged my hair as If to see if it would fall off. Of course, it did not but I have never gotten over that being such an invasion of my privacy and so absolutely rude.
I spent many years trying to hide or shy away from conversations on this hair stuff> I just did not know how to talk about it. Fast forward to my 40s and ….I am exhausted! Also I am over it ! This is not an issue for me. I wear hair, I have crap biological hair and for me wigs, toppers and the like allow me to feel like myself and give me the boost of confidence I need to look in the mirror and like what I see.
These days I have stopped making excuses or dodging conversations about my hair and my hair wearing experiences. I do not have time to make excuses or explain away discomfort for the masses. I wear hair. If that makes you uncomfortable then I guess you will just have to deal with that. 😊
I regularly OUT myself at parties and get togethers where there are people who do not know me. I don’t care. And here is the amazing part of it … the less I care the less the world cares about it! AMAZING!
If you project confidence and pride in yourself and your appearance the world will simply accept it. I realized that for so many years my projection was shame and fear of not being accepted. I felt ugly and was treated this way. The second I embraced who I was and started to discuss this with the world and project my inner beauty outwards, the world reflected this back at me!!! Oh how I wish I knew at 20 what I know now in my 40s!!!
SO here is my suggestion to you. Figure out your words, find the ones you are comfortable with, wig, topper, hairpiece, volume piece, or helper hair! Decide to OUT yourself and own this. “I’m just like Beyoncé I am wearing helper hair!“ “OMG it’s a wig just like the Kardashians!” For 30seconds you will feel fear or anxiety but once the words are out and you have owed them its totally off your mind. You don’t have to feel like a fraud or worry about who is looking at your hairline and part. IF people decide to be rude or talk behind your back, well that reflects on them not you. Owning it and speaking out about it, places the ownness of dealing with it squarely on their plate instead of on your ego and self-esteem! I can honestly say that once I figured this out, my social life became very easy. I stopped worrying and I felt more comfortable in my own skin. There are always going to be those people who judge and do or say rude things. However, I am way more equipped to disregard those comments and call people on rude actions these days. Being confident and happy makes those people just look horrible and petty and I can see them for who they are. It does not have as much of an effect on me and my self-esteem. Like magic, my accepting myself and owning my uniqueness has empowered me !! Trust me when I say that if you find the words and the strength to use them this journey becomes easier.
]]>One of the first things I ask my customers is if they have joined any forums or discussion groups. I always point them to Hairloss sisters on Facebook as a starting point. There is something so empowering in becoming part of a community. Join, share, read and interact with others who can hold your hand and give you advice and help you feel your way through this.
As i worked through my first months in business I realized that more and more I have been outing myself in public for wearing hair! In the past it was simply something that i would not have done. At least not in an audience of more than one or to people i had just met. BUT heres the thing.... I am a business woman now and I am in the business of hair! I think i am selling some of the best products available to women and i am proud to be an ambassador of that. Secondarily i am so tired of the stigma that is attached to the word wig and to women's hair loss in general. I want to empower women and to bring attention to the fact that hair loss is not something that only 40 year old men suffer with ! (sorry guys i am not trying to minimize the struggle you have with this issue!)
Women all over the world are suffering in silence and feeling like there is something wrong with them when this is actually so common. When you google Women's air loss statistics you get the following; "21 million American women currently suffer from some form of alopecia. 12 percent of women with hair loss pursue restoration treatment, as compared with 20 percent of male alopecia sufferers. 80 percent of women experience noticeable hair loss by the age of 60. 40 percent of all alopecia patients are female.Jun 2, 2015"
So you see, you are certainly not alone! And its time that these statistics become people who are confidently speaking about this. I am only one, but i am here building a following and a business to ensure that no woman ever feels alone in this struggle and that there are options for her if she chooses.
Along the way as I build the business I am hitting road blocks with our health care providers. It is extremely difficult to get your name out there to the people who might need it. I have taken all the steps i can to get exposure; videos, blogs, websites and knocking on doors at cancer patient facilities, and dermatologists all over! IT is still very slow and I only hope that I can soon build enough business to continue offering this service for a long time. I feel passionate that I can make a difference. I meet new women everyday who wear wigs and a lot of women who could be wearing some sort of piece to help with thinning and balding areas. Do they know they are not alone? Is there a way to tell them there are options?
In the end i think there is only one way to overcome this .... SHARE! tell the world about your struggles, join a group or a forum and simply let others know you are out there and understand their struggle. The more we do that the more exposure this movement gets. Then we will have small shops popping up all over, to offer ladies options. There is absolutely no reason to suffer with this and to feel self conscience about it. There are toppers and wigs and half wigs and extensions! So many options to help you feel better and less self conscience.
]]>So i see a lot of people asking for advice on where they can wear their wigs and how to avoid being discovered as a wig wearer on vacations and beach trips. Below is my list of what i can do in a wig ;
1. LIFE
Yup that is correct ! I wear hair full time and through all of life's trials and tribulations i have never had a mishap! I have surfed in Costa Rica, I have sailed in the Atlantic ocean and just last week, i did at least 40 hours of landscaping work in the heat of the summer! With the right products and some very high end hair it is pretty easy to forget about it and just get on with life! I am positive that wearing hair does not have to take over our life and I know that there is no reason to avoid or to be afraid to do things.
I have read about ladies who have invested in extra units to take with them on vacations and hid away from friends so that it was not detected. Here is what i say about that ..... If you can afford 2 it is always easier as you can have one to wear while the other is drying out. However, i never had that luxury! I traveled a lot and i do mean a lot and never had 2 units. I did exactly what the rest of the world does on vacation, either i embraced wet hairstyles or I washed and blowdried my hair before i went out!
I think it is important to educate yourself about the ins and outs of the wig you are wearing and how to best prepare for the conditions. During times where i knew i would be diving and swimming and or exposed to high winds and such i would recommend that you invest in an adhesive. I know that most do not like to use this and on a regular day you may be able to go without. HOWEVER, in more harsh environments it is so important to have the confidence to let go an just have fun without worry. Use a good tape, a waterproof glue or a hard bond which offer you options and then...
just go live your life!!!
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Words I have heard my whole life. I wish for one day, everyone who has said to me “its JUST hair” could feel what it really feels like to walk into a room and look different from everyone there. To feel like you are being judged and found lacking. To feel like the ugliest person in the room and to feel like you must try so hard to compensate for your short comings.
To the world I am strong, energetic, funny and unaffected by the glances, stares and comments about my hair and in general my looks. Growing up I always had a quick, funny comeback and a smile glued to my face. I was a pleaser. I made sure everyone around me was happy. This was the way that I made and kept friends. I had to be pleasing because It was hard to break into cliques and be accepted when you looked different and there was such an emphasis on beauty.
From a very early age I was bullied. It was something I lived with daily. When I did finally talk about this with friends their first reaction would be; “kids can be cruel.” Yes, indeed they are, but what is more surprising is that adults can be even worse. I experienced bullying well into my 20s where I finally threatened to file harassment charges against a man I was working with. I was 26 years old and every morning as I walked into our mutual workplace he would bark like a dog at me and laugh with the man sitting beside him!
In college, I lived in the flat below a group of guys who would hang out the windows and scream profanities and bark at me as I walked up the front stairs and unlocked my door. At least 5 out of 7 days of the week I arrived home to this greeting.
In high school my mother remarried and we moved in to the home of her new husband. Every time I passed into a room my older step brother accompanied by a group of his buddies, would make a sound like the sequence from the Friday the 13th movies where Jason the freakish horror character came on the screen. I was made to feel freakish and ugly in my own home. There was no escaping the bullies when they are living under the same roof.
Every day on my way home from elementary school a group of older kids would wait for me along the path and scream things like baby head and ugly girl at me until I was out of ear shot.
I learned to live with bullies and feeling ugly and different. This experience shaped how I felt about myself and my self esteem. When someone says, “its JUST hair” I feel like I want to scream!
The fact of the matter is …They are right, it is only hair and beauty is not only on the outside. I know this now as an adult. But I also know that it is hard to live in this world of beautiful people, where beauty is linked to acceptance, love and success, when you feel like you are not beautiful. From a young age, I was forced to redefine my beauty and to grow a thick skin. I had to work hard on my self worth so that it was not only connected to looks but also to my brain and my person. I am a strong independent, successful woman now. But, I still fight that mean girl in my head every day!!!
When I first decided to buy hair, I was an adult and I was in the happiest part of my life. I had started my career and I was feeling like I had the world by the ass! Although my self esteem may never be fully correct, I had accepted my alternate definition of beautiful and I was ok with who I was. I could afford it so I thought I would try it. AND I loved it. Well not at first of course… it felt foreign and unnatural at first but once I grew accustomed to it … I absolutely loved it. I could finally have a pony tail and leave home with wet hair! No more bottles of hairspray to make my thin flat hair stand up and look fuller!!! I experimented with long and short and mid lengths and the colors! Blonde, Red and Brunette!!! Fun stuff! It has been a journey of sew in extensions and toppers and finally full lace units. I finally became a person wo could simply fade into the background at a gathering! It was an awesome and empowering feeling!
I am sad that ‘just hair’ can make or break a self confidence, but truthfully it can. Some will call it arrogance or vanity when someone is crying because they are losing or have lost their hair. But those of us who have walked the mile know all too well that being PHYSICALLY different is hard. Ignoring the ugly words and the bullying mentality of those who treat you like less because you are different is difficult.
A large part of the motivation that I had to start this company was because I wanted to put myself out there as someone who has experienced this process of building an alternate definition of beauty and self worth in a sea of negativity. At 44 years old I am a successful and beautiful woman who defines beauty on my own terms. Do I have it all figured out? NO WAY! But here’s what I do know…..having someone who knows a little about the struggle and can empathise is both empowering and freeing. Being part of a community, knowing that you are not alone and that there are others out there who understand, is something beautiful. It makes life much easier! Treating yourself with compassion and kindness is necessary. Looking straight in the mirror and telling that mean girl in your head to shut up! Is empowering! I want to bring that experience to my clients. I never want another woman to feel alone or ugly in her own skin. Writing and sharing my experiences is a way to open the dialogue on all of this. A way to stop ignoring the pride swallowing siege that it takes to hold your head up and feel confident in an awesomely flawed body.
]]>When you begin your journey in choosing a wig, one of the terms you will come across is ‘Hand Tied cap.’ You will soon realize that not only do you have to consider the hair or hair fiber you are selecting, but the cap construction and hair attachment method as well. You should always consider the inside of the wig (the cap construction) as much as the outside (hair / hair fiber). If you are looking for the ultimate in luxury and comfort, then you need to be searching for hand tied wigs
Soooo What are Hand Tied Wigs?
Hand tied wigs can be made with either synthetic or human hair. The difference is in the cap construction. Creating a hand tied wig is a laborious and intensive process and this is the reason they are generally more expensive to buy. It takes days to create one of these wigs. Each hair strand, or fibre is individually knotted into a soft, mesh cap by hand. The individual knotting allows the hair to move freely in all directions, which mimics the way hair grows from your scalp and delivers a realistic movement and flow to the hair on your wig.
Although the process of creating hand tied wigs is laborious and time consuming, the benefits to the wearer are amazing!!! Hand tied wigs offer a more realistic appearance. There are no wefts and there is no mechanical stitching. This means that, even up close, the cap is invisible!!! The wind can blow and you can run your hands through this type of wig and switch up your style without a care in the world, as there are no wefts to expose.
The mesh cap on a hand tied wig is light and comfortable to wear and helps your scalp to breathe during day-to-day wear. This cap design makes hand tied wigs cooler than many other cap constructions including wefted wigs. The lower density of the cap construction also contributes in creating a more realistic look as it mimics the appearance of the scalp. As a wig wearer, the most beneficial feature that you will notice is this superior comfort level. There are no seams or wefts in the construction of the hand tied wigs, so it will be ultra-soft, and incredibly luxurious.
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But seriously girls it dose not have to be much more complicated than that! No one and I mean NO ONE has perfect vacation hair! Boats, beaches and swimming pools are a recipe for dry and frizzy hair. Keeping your hair moisturized and under control is no different from trying to keep your own head of hair from becoming a giant knot of frizzy, split ends! So what do i recommend? Conditioner and lots of it. A good quality leave in conditioner and and a deep conditioning mask like those that are offered in the Moroccan line of products.
Pack a hat, pack a bandanna and pack a great adhesive THEN just relax and have a good time.
In the sun i almost always wear a hat. I am at an age where i am conscience about sun on my face and as an added bonus this keeps my hair from getting too much sun exposure. IT keeps my hair from being in my face all day and gives me some protection against the wind as well. With so many hats on the market they can be both stylish and functional !!!
On the days where i am not in the mood for a hat, I will wear a scarf or bandanna. There are so many ways to wear a bandanna where it can offer you added wind and sun protection. Google this girls!! you will soon realize that a scarf or bandanna is one of the easiest additions to your suitcase!!
I do go out of my way to avoid the chlorinated water in the pool. I add a leave in conditioner before i go out and if i am going for the day i may even add some coconut oil or the heavy conditioning mask and put my hair up into a bun. The added bonus is that by the time I get back to the shower and rinse, I have wonderfully soft conditioned hair!
I often take extra clips and bobby pins with me so that instead of fighting the curls and waves I just let my hair do what it will and clip it away from my face. Beachy wavy hair is sexy and easy!
For those extra active vacations where i am surfing and sailing, exposing to myself to underwater crashes and high winds... Simple! I would consider a hard bond. Yes this means that you will not be removing your hair at the end of the day, but it also means you will not be chasing it across the deck or down the beach! There is a lot to be said about the hard bonds available out there and honestly its not as hard as it looks. Thin lines of bond are added to the perimeter of your wig and on your hairline and the unit will stay put for your entire vacation. Acetone removes the adhesive when you are done and can be carried with you in small amounts. Hard bonds give you added freedom. No worrying about the wind or water exposure. They tend to not break down in water and give you a hurricane proof hold! With a lace front unit you have a flawless hairline, add a hard bond adhesive and you have a worry free head of hair.
One of the best things that i realized over the years..... Imperfect hair is way more believable! So let your hair down and just cut loose and have fun!!!!
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Yesterday was a walk down memory lane for me. I was at a meeting with a local hair stylist who wanted to take a look at my products and show her second chair what I was selling. While I know Nancy the owner and master stylist, it was my first time meeting her second chair stylist, and as always, i was nervous!
I always think the stylists can see that I am faking it and are going to "out" me as a wig wearer! WHATEVER! The truth of the matter... it's never happened in 20+ years of wearing hair ! And I certainly know that in my early days of wearing hair, the end result was nothing like it is now. It was much more wiggy and not at all natural looking! Yet not one person had the balls to say lord nice wig! Or is that a flipping wig?
I have certainly come a long way now! In fact, I have a friend of a friend who I often see when I am having drinks at my friends house. This woman is a stylist and I am pretty sure she still has not figured out that I wear wigs! Hairdressers/ stylists and barbers are all hair experts, but they see good and bad hair only. If you have a good hairpiece which you have made your own by shaping it and wearing it with confidence ... not even an expert can see the forest for the trees!
So back to my walk down memory lane... I was telling her how I came to wear hair and why I was folliclly challenged. Wow I have not really thought of that first week with hair in such a long time. I remember that a guy I went to college with knocked into us one night at a bar and he took the time to find a quite moment to tell me how brave he thought I was for getting hair! At the time I laughed at him and said "really? Brave? " I told him that wars were being fought on foreign soils and our troops were there overseas risking their lives for gods sakes ! This was just hair for goodness sakes! Brave pffft !
Ok so looking back now I guess I was a little hard on that guy! Not that I disagree with what I said at the time, but it's not untrue what he was getting at. Sometimes life is hard and to overcome those challenges with style and grace sometimes takes an act of bravery... a personal one.
That first day when it feels like you are wearing a neon sign on your head, it's not an easy task to hold your head up and not feel like this is the most ridiculous thing you have ever done! BUT here is the good news; most people are so wrapped up in their own lives and their own person they will not spend a lot of effort in figuring out what looks different about you! In some cases it's a drastic change and they just look you over give you an assessment and keep on their merry way!
Then there are those people who knew you before and are so distracted by trying to see a flaw or a part that is not real looking that they cannot make eye contact with you while you are speaking! Those are the worst! I still, to this day, meet a lady who I knew in passing years ago and she STILL stares right at my hairline for our entire conversation!
At some point you have to just say feckit and keep on living your life! Most days it takes a series of small acts of bravery to keep moving ahead! Everyone experiences this. It's not just reserved for the wig wearing women of the world!
I remember a Ted talk I watched once where athlete, actor and activist Aimee Mullins describes an experience where she was wearing a pair of prosthetic legs that made her taller. A friend looked at her and said, "well thats not fair ! " meaning that on any given night she could make herself and inch taller like a super model and that was an unfair advantage! HA! I love it ! Forget that she is an amputee... it's unfair that she can adjust her height based on her mood and outfit! Lmao!
Well girls that is us! We have the advantage! Wear beautiful hair everyday, long and luxurious one day short and sassy the next ! When you think of it ... we have an unfair advantage once we get over the worry and just get on with the living !!!!! 😜
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